I’ve let my brain control every aspect of my life for far too long. You’re reading this probably thinking to yourself “..uhm, duh..” but it’s so much more than simple decision making, simple thoughts. When I say it controls me, I mean the irrationality. When you live with an imbalance, a disorder, a disease, whatever it may be- everything becomes so much harder.
When you are socially anxious even things as simple as checking the mail or getting grocieries is taxing.
When you have PTSD from abuse it’s a constant war with your own thoughts. It’s trying to sort out the lies you’ve been made to believe about yourself, from what’s real about you.
When you have anxiety it is being endlessly irriational and believing that irrationality. It’s over thinking and over analyzing.
When you have depression it’s fighting to be okay and brief moments of solace or distraction followed by being swallowed whole by your thoughts.
When you add all of those together you get me. For two years this has owned me.
Today I’m taking my power back.
I’ve decided to open up with raw transparancey.
I’ve decided to share my own daily Pits (the dirty, bad, and hard). As well as my Peaches (all the sweetness, the fruity goodness, what keeps me going ). Because I can fight through all this negative in my head with the beauty around me and I can get “better”.
I can’t feel like this forever.
I REFUSE to live like this anymore.
Be well friends.